It seems

That I am nothing more then a confused being who feels as though they are trapped underneath the skin of someone else, someone far from who they really are.
There are things I need and many things I want. I am always longing for something and I never really know what that is, whether it is money or affection or maybe even just to part from everyone and give independence a try. This longing feels like it will be sticking around for a while, maybe even until my time is up. All I seem to think about is wrong doings and while thinking about this there is a voice in the back of my mind telling me that this isn't who I am and the things I am doing are things I would not have contemplated two years ago. All I seem to hold on to is regret and lose and I never seem to focus on the good that has happened. It worries me that I am so negative and I'm worried that peoples influences on me are part of the reason I'm finding it so hard to find out who I really am.

I miss 2008

and everything that it included. It was filled with drunken nights, best friends, adventures, loads of new people, fun at school, partys and everything I wanted. I had everything and i took it for granted. At the time I didn't realise how good I had it, until now when i look back and realise how much i actually miss it. 2008 was probably one of the best years of my life. This year is horrible I've basically lost all my best friends and feel so lonely and if anyone gets remotely close I end up pushing them away. I am a mess and right now i feel like im beyond repair. I'm never happy with the ways things are no matter how good something is.I dont feel like i can trust anyone and i dont feel like anyone knows the meaning of respect. Everyone has turned bitter, including myself.
I feel like I'm falling deeper and deeper into this mess i have created and now I can't find my way out.
I am so lost.

Family

I have realised that they are the only people I can trust. They are the ones who know me best and there is none of these bullshit fights they tell it how it is,they are there for me through thick and thin.They know when to give me space and when I want company If only things could be this way with everyone.